My roller coaster ride

I like roller coasters, I really do. But imagine if you were on one, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year? I thought I had gotten off my roller coaster, or at least gotten onto a kiddie one. I find though that somewhere along the way I got back onto the bigger roller coaster. As you may have guessed by now, my medication is no longer effective for me. Maybe because I've adjusted to it. How can I know? All I know is that I'm back on that roller coaster again along with side effects. I now live with a constant headache and I eat tylenol for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a midnight snack. I also take tylenol PM to get me to sleep at night, and yet it still takes me a ridiculously long time to fall asleep. What happened? I saw the light for a moment, I saw peace and tranquility. Now everything is a blur again, and I hate that. I hate that I don't have a switch in my head and that I can just turn on and off my moods. I can't just stop worrying, or stressing. I envy my husband sometimes, how he's able to just "forget" about things and not worry over them. But then I realize he has to deal with me on a daily basis and I'm not so envious anymore. I don't want to deal with myself, so how would anyone else be able/want to deal with me either? I know that people love me, Charlie tells me so everyday, but I don't see WHAT they love in me. Maybe if I could get my brain to slow down enough to let me see inside myself, to let me realize what there is to love.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to bring people down, but I needed to warn you I'm back on my roller coaster.
Ang