My bleeding heart
We found out on Saturday that my father in law has 5 blockages and needs open heart surgery Monday. Of course when I found out I cried my eyes out. Several times. You see, I'm very sensitive to these kinds of things and the merest prick to my heart makes me cry. Well, this was more than a prick. This was a good stab in my heart. And it hurts. I'm scared for him. I know this day and age, doctors can fix just about anything and successfully, but I'm still scared. He is a second dad to me. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. And of course it made me think of my dad and that started a whole new round of fresh tears to fall. My dad's like 200 pounds overweight! I'm scared out of my mind that he's going to die when I'm here and not there by his bedside. And here comes the tears again.
I hate being so sensitive, and so panicky, and so anxious and everything that I am. There's absolutely nothing I can do about the situation, and yet I worry. I worry to the point that I feel physically ill and in pain. I cry because my heart hurts me. I wish I could be more unemotional. A little bit less attached. I didn't want to visit him in the hospital because I was sure he'd think something horrible was happening to him as soon as he saw my red puffy eyes.
I wish I was more like Charlie and his siblings. They are all laid back about it. I'm not saying that they're not a little worried, but they deal with it so much better than I do. So if you see me puffy-eyed or crying, please forgive me my bleeding heart.
Angela
I hate being so sensitive, and so panicky, and so anxious and everything that I am. There's absolutely nothing I can do about the situation, and yet I worry. I worry to the point that I feel physically ill and in pain. I cry because my heart hurts me. I wish I could be more unemotional. A little bit less attached. I didn't want to visit him in the hospital because I was sure he'd think something horrible was happening to him as soon as he saw my red puffy eyes.
I wish I was more like Charlie and his siblings. They are all laid back about it. I'm not saying that they're not a little worried, but they deal with it so much better than I do. So if you see me puffy-eyed or crying, please forgive me my bleeding heart.
Angela
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