1 step forward, 2 steps back

Just about the time you think life is going good, or at least decent, everything in my mind starts falling to pieces again. First of all, my computer is now just a storage and internet device. Neither of my CD-Rom drives works. Great. When are we going to be able to replace them? Like never. Just wonderful. Then there's my time of the month, I know my period's right around the corner because I'm an emotional wreck and my heart's breaking. It does every period I have because it reminds me of the one thing I'll never have again with it's absence. I'll never have the joy of being pregnant again. And no matter how many times I tell myself, well, now you have more time and money to spend with the two kids you already have, all I can think about are the babies I'll never hold. I'm sorry if this depresses you. It definitely depresses me. Why do babies have to grow so quickly? My kids are 6 and 2, and neither of them have that baby smell anymore. Have you noticed that? One day you just realize your little one isn't really all that little anymore and that that baby smell has faded and disappeared without you noticing when it happened. Pregnancy is such a special thing, and I wish I had enjoyed it more while I was pregnant. I wish I had the births I always wanted. I know I can't turn back the clock, but I don't know how to get over this as well. Maybe when I feel too old to have another baby I will be over it. Right now it just feels like my heart is being torn to pieces at every period.
Don't mind my moods for the next week, it will pass.
Thanks for putting up with me.
Ang